By Laura Hall- Parent Advocate
A parent’s perspective on why partnership, not persistence, should define SEND support
For families like mine who have children and young people with special educational needs, life is shaped by constant battles for provision. Provision is not a favour or a privilege offered to some, and it should never be viewed as such. It is not something families should have to fight for through persistence, exhaustion, or conflict. These battles are never about wanting more than other families; they are about securing what is necessary for our children to access education, healthcare, transport, and everyday life safely, purposefully, and with dignity. The most exasperating reality is that these struggles are rarely with our children’s needs themselves, but with the systems and services designed to support them.
Education, medical services, local councils, and transport providers often operate in isolation, each with their own processes, thresholds, and limitations. Communication between departments is poor, which means that as parents and carers we are forced to repeat the same information again and again. We navigate complex systems while facing long delays at every stage. Support is frequently promised but not delivered, assessments are completed without meaningful follow-up, and provision that is clearly necessary becomes something we must continually justify and fight to secure.
As parents and carers, we are often required to take on roles we never expected. We become advocates, coordinators, and researchers, learning legal frameworks and policies simply to ensure our children’s most basic needs are met. This happens alongside employment, caring responsibilities, and the emotional toll of watching our children struggle without appropriate support. Over time, this constant pressure significantly affects not only us, but the wellbeing of our entire families.
We do recognise that most educational settings are under immense strain, and that context matters. However, from a parent and carer perspective, schools and colleges can sometimes feel like an additional barrier rather than a place of support. Our children’s needs may be minimised due to limited resources, support may be framed as a privilege rather than a right, or our concerns may be delayed until a situation reaches crisis point. Too often, we are labelled as “those parents”, seen as difficult, when in reality we are simply doing our best to advocate for our children.
When systems work against families, the cost is high. This cost is not only financial, but emotional, physical, and mental. Children may experience heightened anxiety, reduced attendance, disengagement from learning, or even exclusion. Families can feel forced into making complaints, lodging appeals, or pursuing lengthy legal routes, not because we want conflict, but because collaboration has failed. When trust and communication break down between parents and professionals, it often marks the beginning of the end. Energy that should be focused on supporting a child’s development is instead consumed by process, frustration, and resistance.
Working in genuine partnership with families to achieve the best outcomes for our children and young people looks very different. It begins with listening and recognising that we, as parents and carers, are the experts on our own children. We want clear and honest communication. Even difficult conversations, when handled respectfully and transparently, help build trust. Early intervention, rather than avoidable delay, prevents escalation and crisis. Understanding that education does not exist in isolation and that medical needs, transport issues, and family circumstances directly affect a child’s ability to learn allows for more realistic and compassionate responses.
Empathy plays a crucial role. We are not asking educators to lower expectations or ignore the pressures within their settings. We are asking for acknowledgement and understanding that many families are living under sustained stress and uncertainty. Small actions, timely responses, consistent support, accurate documentation, and meaningful follow-through can significantly reduce that burden. We do not expect professionals to fully understand our lives, but we do ask that the relentlessness of our reality is recognised.
Ultimately, we should all share the same goal. Families, educational settings, medical professionals, councils, and transport services all want children and young people to be safe, supported, able to learn, and able to thrive. When we work together rather than in opposition, outcomes improve for everyone. Educational settings are uniquely placed to advocate alongside families, coordinate support, and provide stability within what is often a fragmented system. This is something we want to build on, not battle against.
Families like mine are not asking to be fought. We are asking to be heard, understood, and supported. Working with us is not only kinder, it is more effective, and it creates the conditions in which our amazing children and young people with special educational needs can genuinely succeed.